A Heart Wall
Sometimes, love looks like a big declaration
Sitting on the hardwood floor of my bedroom, with dozens of photos scattered around me, I stared up at the blank pink wall. I had cleared it of a few decorative frames, and I was preparing to fill it with something else—something big.
It was January 2021, and we were still in the thick of the coronavirus pandemic. I was finishing my senior year from my home in California, across the country from my college friends. Coupled with the pandemic-related isolation, I was struggling with a health challenge that limited my capacity to socialize. After months of severely decreased connection, like so many others, I was lonely. And I could feel myself starting to lose perspective. My present circumstances distorted my memories of the past and dampened my resolve to see the future through a lens of hope.
When I was tired of feeling sorry for myself, I decided I needed a declaration. I needed to remind myself that the people in my world—both near and far—filled my life with so much love. I needed to remember that I belonged to them and they belonged to me. That Anne Lamott’s words remained truer than ever: “Love is why we have hope.”
So I ordered dozens of photos to mount on my wall—displaying memories with friends, family, and the many communities I have been a part of throughout my life. As I held them in my hands, I knew they were tangible reminders of the simple truth that I was lucky enough to love and be loved. I began by stringing a colorful strand of lights on my wall. Then, over the next hour, I stuck a piece of blue tape on the back of each photo and placed it carefully on the wall so that no pink paint would show through the cracks. My excitement was mounting as I watched the shape I had envisioned form in front of me. And then I stood back proudly to gaze upon my creation—a very visual declaration of love.
It was a giant heart.
There was something special about seeing each photo as its own sacred treasure and as part of this precious collection. I smiled up at the pictures that displayed many special and ordinary moments: meeting my baby cousin the day she was born, riding a boat in Paris with my study abroad friends, smiling with my favorite teacher on my high school graduation day, posing with Grandma in our matching shirts, enjoying a pancake breakfast with my college roommates before saying goodbye. And countless more.
Over the next 21 months, I woke up to the sight of this beautiful collage. It was impossible to miss the faces smiling back at me, showcasing the friendships I had cultivated over the course of many years. I also observed how bright and alive I appeared in these memories. Looking at my lit-up face reminded me of the person I could be in my most joyful moments, even though I did not always feel like her.
And before I fell asleep each night, this collage was the last thing I saw—a reminder that although I ended my day alone, I was anything but alone in this life.
Sometimes when we feel lonely or stuck, we need to take small actions to move toward connection and growth. But sometimes we need to make big declarations—not to others but to ourselves. We need to remind ourselves of the people and experiences that have made our lives meaningful. We need to recall those memories of laughter, connection, courage, joy, and adventure, especially when we struggle to find these things in the present.
What can you create today to remember this important truth—that you are a part of a greater web of human connections? How can you remind yourself of the friendships you have cultivated over the years and the people you’ve crossed paths with? And how might you reach out to someone today—with a surprise phone call, a kind letter, or a knock at the door? Because just maybe, you aren’t the only one who needs this reminder.
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Are you an incoming or current college student? Check out my other Substack publication, Letters From Your RA.
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